It’s late on a Sunday night, as I cosy up in bed to start a 10 day blogging challenge. While this is my first ever blog, as I write I remember the love I used to feel putting pen to paper in my diary, now it’s fingers to keyboard on my laptop. I want that feeling of creating something, not consuming mindless social media or time wasting on unimportant stuff but sharing something of mine to the world and getting focused on what I actually want or want to feel is my first step.
I have these dreams I want to achieve – they are actually up on a vision board right next to me. I can see the inspirational words, gorgeous images of places to visit, the house I want to build, the love I want to share with a big family, the puppy I will name Honey, the global business I want to grow yet I feel like they are so fragmented at this point in time as life.just.gets.in.the.way.
The first challenge I’m faced with is time. I’m a busy Mum to a four year old. I work full-time, hustle a little business on the side and I’m single- flying solo, doing the best I can for the little guy in my life. He’s my beloved gift yet becoming a Mum is a whole lot of work. Emotional, physical, mental work. Most of the time I feel so stretched running to my mental schedule in my head. “Get up early, shower before he wakes, make lunch, tell a story, cuddles and get him dressed, eat a healthy breakfast together, don’t watch the clock and hurry him too much, shit got to do teeth, grab the lunches, check the bags, try not to yell, make sure I strap him in the car seat, apply lipstick, head to pre-school and don’t speed!’. I’ve started a new job recently so the mental learning getting myself up to speed and building new relationships is tiring. Plus my Mum who is a constant help to me being a Mummy is picking up the slack with my longer hours and less patient attitude. My side business is currently suffering- like I’m watching it through a hazy window sitting there beckoning me to come visit, participate damn it….yet my motivation to do any more than I can currently manage (well in my head anyway) is on hold. Yet it’s this very business that can give me the freedom and choices to have more time with my son- there’s the paradox. I wanted to be part time this year and things haven’t worked out that way with job changes out of my control and it’s tiring. Thinking about where I could be if I put in some more effort..if I had more time. However I have found time for this challenge (so far) though because uncovering my core focus is something I feel is right for me, right now.
Challenge 2. I’m challenged by huge enthusiasm and ideas and lots of them….yet they are scattered- which ones should I encourage, chase, build…and will I do them incredibly o just mediocre or will I fail miserably and I’m not good at failure. So I guess a little bit of self doubt and shying away from taking a big risk, giving it my all is a huge challenge I face.
The third challenge is having a lack of something I’m passionate about. I used to play a lot of sport- netball, basketball, multi sport, stand up paddle boarding. I danced. Salsa.Ballet. I tell myself each week I’m going to start again, make a day that I go and enjoy myself. Even booking a yoga class is hit and miss. And my body and more importantly my mental state suffer. This I know is a sacrifice and one I made to go on this journey as a single parent. And I’m lucky enough that I have spent so many years living, enjoying, adventuressing around the world that I know I haven’t missed out, that it’s just a short time of being a little tied to a little person who needs me more than I need to go express myself. But I’d like a tiny bit of passion back in my life. So that is my gift to myself this week- I will go to a dance class. Done.
This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1